One Man's Ceiling...

Michael Jackson, although still quite dead, made the news today. While living, he wore a rhinestone-studded golf glove on TV, and it quickly became his trademark. This past Saturday that very glove was auctioned off for $350,000. Including taxes and fees, the new owner, a Chinese fellow from Hong Kong, paid $420,000 for the item.

I learned this from today's Wall Street Journal, just across the page from a story detailing the increase in suicides in our country in 2008. "Financial pressures outpace depression" as the main reason for the rise in suicides, according to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline director.

Things sure are screwy here, and by here I mean on our planet, not just the good old USA. Friends say I am too negative, they ask why must I dwell on bad things, why don't I ever look at the bright side?

Okay, fine. The new owner of that glove must have a lot of money! And now Michael Jackson's parents and children will have more money too! I imagine the auction house that handled the deal made out quite well, so I guess things really are good here after all. What recession?

As for those suicidal folks, I have some advice that my ex-husband always offered up when I was down in the dumps: "Cheer up!" (Ultimately I followed his advice, which is how he got to be my ex-husband.)

Here We Go Again

Christmas is coming, and once again everyday life is turning red and green. Just this morning I saw a TV commercial that claimed eating a bowl of Campbell's soup would bring the festive air of the holidays right into my home! (I tried it at lunch today, but nothing happened, which is odd, since when they made the soup on TV, Santa came down the chimney and right into the living room fireplace.)

As far as I can tell, the only thing vaguely Christian or Godlike about Xmas is the "religious" postage stamp offered by the US Postal Service. As always, they offer two versions: the cutesy reindeer/Christmas tree/ribbony-wrapped gifty-one, or the Virgin-Mother-cradling-baby-Jesus. Other than that, it's the same old merry-go-round: Shop early, hurry in for discounts, two-for one, lowest price, 'tis the season, happy spending, open early until midnight, holiday savings on must-have gifts, more values mean more Christmas.

At every turn we are urged to participate in "the joy of giving," to "give the gifts that impress for less," and, my personal favorite which I saw today in a Sears ad, "charge it and enjoy 18 months of no interest." Imagine, you can still be paying off this Christmas long after next Christmas!

As I've said before and will no doubt say again, this is the time of year when I most appreciate being a Jew.

Taken by a Photograph

I am somebody's mother. I certainly didn't stop being me when I had a child, and I am now more me than ever, since he has grown and lives on his own.

Which brings to mind my own parents, whose lives are now over. Regrettably, I never regarded them as anyone but my parents. Surely once in a while I realized they had friends and did things with other people that had nothing to do with me, but for the most part it was how they related to me that mattered the most. I rarely considered the lives they led before I got here.

Then there is this photograph. That's my father sitting on the hood of the car. Behind him, my mother leans against the car like some gangster's moll, smoking a cigarette. Almost jarring and thus intriguing, there is a bottle of milk on the running board. For some reason, it looks like a Sunday afternoon.

And that other guy, my father's best friend, who I remember always being around as I was growing up. I called him Uncle Jack, even though there was no blood tie. Something in this photo makes me wonder about his relationship with my mother.

If ever there was a photograph like the one Jackson Browne "found inside a drawer" in his haunting song, "Fountain of Sorrow," this one is it for me. The people in it fascinate: They look interesting and alluring and alive, I wish I could hang out with them for awhile. Sadly, they're all dead now, hopefully together and listening to jazz somewhere in another dimension.

I hope your kids--and mine-- don't miss finding out who we are before it's too late!

Is This a Great Country or What?

I heard an ad on TV this morning that said Sarah Palin has electrified America! Her new book has not even been released yet and it's already a best-seller! One question immediately popped into my mind: Sarah Palin can write?

All kidding aside, I happen to be very well-connected to someone who once was at a party with someone who used to work in publishing, and she gave me an advance copy of her book's Table of Contents. I am happy to share it with you here:

Chapter 1/ Dressing for Success: How to Look Cute After 40
Chapter 2/ Newspapers, Magazines and Periodicals: Who Needs 'Em?
Chapter 3/ "Aw, Shucks" and "Back Atcha": Using Country Expressions for Personal Gain
Chapter 4/ Finding the Silver Lining: Showing Off Your Retarded Child
Chapter 5/ Toddlers to Teens: Birth Control Tips for Every Age
Chapter 6/ Heavens Above: Russian Skies Are Right Over Me!
Chapter 7/ Decorating Odd-shaped Rooms: That Tricky Oval Office
Chapter 8/ Health Care: Guys Do Make Passes at Girls Who Wear Glasses!
Chapter 9/ Giant Career Boost: Tina Fey Owes Me Bigtime!
Chapter 10/ Old Grizzlies Never Die: The Real John McCain

I can't wait to get a copy myself. I'm guessing it will be in the Humor section of your local bookstore soon.

Memorable Movie Moments

Remind me in my next life to become a dentist. These guys have it made! Sure, they have to put up with actually doing the work, which at best seems fairly disgusting, but they make tons of money doing it and they can basically say what they want and you gotta believe them. Sort of like car mechanics, they have access to the goods, and you need the goods to function.

Today I visited a periodontist--let's call him Doctor X- for the first time in my life, but he made it seem like I should have come years ago. Apparently I have a dire situation that threatens my very existence, and if I don't act very soon it could lead to an infection that could go to my eye or my BRAIN! (Okay, Doc, where do I sign?)

So for $1,400 he will fix this bad situation. What really sucks big time is that this particular situation is in a tooth that has already cost upwards of $4,000, paid out to other dentists who had their own turns with it, and now Doctor X is going to pull it and throw it in the trash! Did I mention he is German and I am Jewish? So what, you say? Did you see "Marathon Man"?

After I stopped sobbing I called my husband, out of town in Chicago on business, and he said this is not worth killing myself over, which I mentioned as being a possible course of action. Next I called my son to cheer me up, since he is one of the few people on Earth who can, but he was too busy to talk to me--there was loud music in the background. He said he would call back. He has not.

The worst part is that I will undergo this horrible torture, to be followed in three months by more of the same involving bone grafts and sinus lifts, and I will get over it, and I will die anyway, sooner or later, dental implants and all.

I sure could have used that phone call from my son. Kids!